I've lost my self confidence and I need to get it back..still don't know how...still trying to figure out a way...I need it back...so badly.
I've looked in the mirror this morning and I asked myself who I was...and honestly...I don't know anymore...I just don't know anymore...
  I don't know who I am ,I don't know what I want from my life anymore,I can't even recognise myself...Some of you might know how it is to look in the mirror and look at yourself and realise..you don't know who you are...I don't know who I am..I don't think I ever did....And I hate it..I hate knowing that I don't know myself..I mean..just look at me..I am sitting here crying in front of the PC instead of being out there,living..I stopped living lately...All I do everyday is stay home clean the house,take care of my niece and ..I feel like I can't take this any longer..I am distoing myself..this is killing me...And I don't know what to do..My sister needs me to take care of my niece so she can go to work and so be able to pay the bills..and I feel like a maid in my own house ..my sister told me a couple of month ago: "You stay home all day,why don't you clean the house?" That hurt me so much...you can't imagine how much..And because of the fact that I have to take care of my niece everyday it's the reason why I can't get a job..You know,last summer I was supose to go to Italy at my parents and I didn't go..you know why?? because I had to take care of my niece..I am only 19..come on..I wish I could just be evil for once in my life and tell her I am sick of it...But I can't do that,can I?? I would have it on my conscience..because I know that she won't be able to pay her bills if I don't keep on doing it...
    But how about me?? For how long do I have to neglict myself??cause this two things: staying home all day and taking care of my niece is killing me...simply killing me...I want it to stop...I want it to stop...I need to start living again...I want to start living again...
   I am in college..and I can't even go to classes cause I have to stay home...I AM SO SICK OF IT...so sick of it..I can't take it any longer..I need to get away...I don't want to suffer again..I want to be happy and smile because I feel like not because I have to....and honestly..I don't think they really care...Now,you might say it's only what I think,but the states ..they all make me think that..I am ill,I have some health problems,and one of them is been going and going for 4 years already..it's not something major,don't worry,but it's there..and I am sick of it...I took some medicines for it but it didn't pass and then I kept on telling them it didn't pass and they said the same story everytime "Next time we will send you money to go to doctor" and every and each time something else that need money ,like my sisters who didn't had enough money to pay the bills,or neede money to do their teeths and me..I always remain without any chance of finally get read of this thing..All I know is that I want it to disappear..