I've lost my self confidence and I need to get it back..still don't know how...still trying to figure out a way...I need it back...so badly.
I've looked in the mirror this morning and I asked myself who I was...and honestly...I don't know anymore...I just don't know anymore...
  I don't know who I am ,I don't know what I want from my life anymore,I can't even recognise myself...Some of you might know how it is to look in the mirror and look at yourself and realise..you don't know who you are...I don't know who I am..I don't think I ever did....And I hate it..I hate knowing that I don't know myself..I mean..just look at me..I am sitting here crying in front of the PC instead of being out there,living..I stopped living lately...All I do everyday is stay home clean the house,take care of my niece and ..I feel like I can't take this any longer..I am distoing myself..this is killing me...And I don't know what to do..My sister needs me to take care of my niece so she can go to work and so be able to pay the bills..and I feel like a maid in my own house ..my sister told me a couple of month ago: "You stay home all day,why don't you clean the house?" That hurt me so much...you can't imagine how much..And because of the fact that I have to take care of my niece everyday it's the reason why I can't get a job..You know,last summer I was supose to go to Italy at my parents and I didn't go..you know why?? because I had to take care of my niece..I am only 19..come on..I wish I could just be evil for once in my life and tell her I am sick of it...But I can't do that,can I?? I would have it on my conscience..because I know that she won't be able to pay her bills if I don't keep on doing it...
    But how about me?? For how long do I have to neglict myself??cause this two things: staying home all day and taking care of my niece is killing me...simply killing me...I want it to stop...I want it to stop...I need to start living again...I want to start living again...
   I am in college..and I can't even go to classes cause I have to stay home...I AM SO SICK OF IT...so sick of it..I can't take it any longer..I need to get away...I don't want to suffer again..I want to be happy and smile because I feel like not because I have to....and honestly..I don't think they really care...Now,you might say it's only what I think,but the states ..they all make me think that..I am ill,I have some health problems,and one of them is been going and going for 4 years already..it's not something major,don't worry,but it's there..and I am sick of it...I took some medicines for it but it didn't pass and then I kept on telling them it didn't pass and they said the same story everytime "Next time we will send you money to go to doctor" and every and each time something else that need money ,like my sisters who didn't had enough money to pay the bills,or neede money to do their teeths and me..I always remain without any chance of finally get read of this thing..All I know is that I want it to disappear..

The last few days were really boring.All I did all day long was to roam the Internet and babysit my niece.Boring,I told ya..And yet there were a few things I realised these last few days..The first one : I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED A JOB.Second : I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED A JOB .Third: I need to find some friends to spend my free time with. 4th: I need to visit the doctor (well,there are 3 doctors I need to visit,and I will do it this week,on Monday at first hour).

I didn't make it to any of my exams at the University.I will have to take them in the next session of exams.I couldn't go because of the weather,all the roads were blocked and also the train stations.It snowed a lot like it hasn't snowed in good years.I don't think I've ever seen so much snow here in my city.

Actually I am baby siting my niece right now.She is 4 years old.She is so sweet and cute...she has those two big blue eyes that when they fill in with tears you can't help yourself in forgiving her if she did something wrong...I always treated her like she were my own child (she is the daughter of one of my sisters) ....

Next week I will be busy..like really busy..I really hope I can find a job.But the first thing I need to check is my health,I need to go see a doctor (don't ask me why,I am afraid that's way more personal to share on this blog). I also hope I will be able to go to University to book some books I have to read,but that depends of how the weather will be in the next days. I hope the trains will run cause I can't go by bus or taxi..I have car sick :D ...

Done for now :) TC & Stay safe ♥♥♥

                                                         Thanks for reading my blog. ♥♥♥

Some Things About Myself

   Hello :) It's Me,again... :D
I created the blog to have a diary that I don't have to hand write ..mmm..it's a lot easier writing it with the keyboard..hehe..
   Since this is the first post I'll start by saying a few stuff about me :)
My name is Marya,I'm 19 and I am a student at Spiru Haret University at Foreign Languages ,Profile: English-Japanese (Yes,I like asian languages).
   I have a large family: I have 4 sisters :) I am the fourth kid in my family :)
 I like Music a lot .I woke up with it in my mind,I listen to it everyday..I am kinda addicted to it...
   My favourite type of music is K-POP..I love it ♥♥♥ !!!
I also like dancing.. am not really good at it and I only dance when no one is around,in my room...but I love it and I feel good when I am dancing.
   My biggest dream was always to become a famous singer since I have a nice voice.But in time things have changed nd so have my desires and my dreams..Now I am dreaming about a nice quiet life as an English Translator or an English Teacher in Japan,Tokio..yes..Japan ♥♥♥ This dream might not be posible,I know,but I am fighting for it to become true,and I have the hope that it will . If you don't try to realise a dream,how will you know if it is posible,right?
  I am an optimst person,I like simple things (and yet my life is kinda complicated...it always were actually..),I like cute and simple clothes,M favourite colours are blue,green,black,white,grey,etc :D (I like almost all the colours of the world) .
  Well..I think I've said enough for the moment. C ya in my next post :) ♥
                                                                                                T.C. & Stay safe ♥